drained .. dried … and done

after a 5 day vacation  i can’t think straight on what to do next  .. where to start again in this state where  everything is just totally  broken … dreams .. heart … soul … and mind  … it’s like I’m trying so hard t keep everything in place and it’s like I’m here one meter away from myself looking at it destructing itself, and no matter  how I tried  I can’t do anything to stop it. Everything is just a mess and I don’t know how to clean it anymore I’ve been cleaning all my life and it’s just  messing up every moment,  i tried to start  all over again … even prayers right now is freaking me up … i don’t have the courage to kneel anymore  to say just a one word prayer,  I’m too drained to move.. to dried to continue … and done with everything … this is all making me numb no matter how i tried to wiggle myself it’s not  making me move anymore… how long will it take I don’t  know …  I’m not even trying to hope because even hope scares me. If this will end, I’m wishing this will end too soon because it’s eating me so badly.

I was reviewing my draft and saw this piece some few years back that was left there unpublished  I can’t believe how depressed and shattered I was at that time, so I’m posting this now because I think it’s worth reading.  Also  to remind me that there is nothing constant in this world including failures and pains everything will all pass. I am  happy now not the happiest but I am happy and it’s a nice place to be.

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