………days after ….

been trying hard to write the  thoughts in my mind that  i’ve been  collecting after i celebrated my birthday… now as i’m recollecting all the memories of that day, ’twas not that  bad after all  … people who used to celebrate with were not around, old friends but new faces was laughing and singing the happy birthday song for me, it was not a happy  one as it used to be but it was worth remembering because in spite of the fact that we are not that close they  celebrated that occasion  with thoughtfulness and care, i never had a birthday full of cakes , it’s been a long time since the last time i personally cook  for my birthday, i never expected some friends will forgot that day , i never expected  some people will try to reach out just to greet me, in some instances i was grateful,l in some i was saddened that those pople i thought was my friends are those that didn’t even bother to find ways to reach me. Now as i look back , it doesn’t matter anymore,  as i move forward i realize that  sometimes no matter how hard, you have to take the journey all by yourself. Today, here i am as i continue with this constantly changing course of life, trying so hard to make it on my own , with nothing  left  except the thought  that i’m alive but not living .. i dunno where i’m going .. i dunno if i will ever reach to the place where i want to be, i dunno if happiness will ever find me again ..maybe just maybe  in my next birthday just like  all the maybes in the last years that  i somehow  will arrive to a place i’ve always wanted to be.


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